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Looking at Why You use Drugs

Author: June 8, 2015 0 Comments

Is your substance use masking a bigger problem?

Gay men are known to be anxious, inhibited, fear criticism, and have a need for connection to others. Party drugs are one of the easiest and most common ways for gay men help cope with these feelings and fears. While drugs my help cope, they never deal with unwanted feelings or address insecurities.

When drug use begins to cause problems most people admit that it’s time to make a change, which often results in discontinuing with the drug use. But it’s important to understand why guys are turning to drugs or alcohol as coping mechanisms.

Most people turn to drugs or alcohol because the substance helps in dealing with a scary world and make things more comfortable. Gay men have learned that to survive as youth you need to fit in and be nice to others. That means looking outside and not being true to you. It’s not being genuine or authentic to you. But this is how confused youth learn how to survive.

Unfortunately, most queer youth don’t get the opportunity to learn what being gay is, or how to be themselves. As they enter adulthood, most don’t even have basic dating experience. Pile on top of that the stereotype of gay men being creative, artistic, fashion conscious, obsessed with being neat and tidy, and having exemplarity behavior. Except for being creative and artistic, these are similar characteristics of someone who may have anxiety with concerns of fitting in and pleasing others.

Substance use helps get out of this restrictive box, but only temporarily. Drugs work short term, but they don’t fix or address the problem. They just mask them. The hard work comes by addressing the need of the substance use.

If you feel you have a drug or alcohol problem, consult with a physician or medical professional

– See more at: http://www.thehomoculture.com/author/billcoleman/#sthash.izn6gr3H.fdaDSKhW.dpuf

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Using Drugs and Parting (part two)

Author: June 1, 2015 0 Comments

Using drugs and alcohol could be a symptom of a bigger problem

Matinee Las Vegas 2015 Circuit Party

Addiction traditionally it relates powerlessness and bad behaviour, especially in the gay community. Gay men do not need any more negativity; they have enough to deal with as it is. It’s important to understand that while many gay men do drugs or drink alcohol, which is not the problem. It’s the symptom. If you only focus on the symptom and not the problem, then the problem remains unaddressed. Reasons for taking drugs or alcohol need to be understood or the opportunity to grow will be missed.

Drugs and alcohol are often used to help cope with difficult life situations. It’s a positive way to conquer fears and give an illusion or sense of control and understanding about why they are used.

Just because someone may use drugs or alcohol does not mean they have a problem. What can the problem is when substances begin to interfere with allowing yourself to be you. When your job or relationship is being hurt it’s time to take a step back and understand why drugs and alcohol are being used. Gay men especially need to find other ways to meet the needs these substances are giving them, instead of relying on them as a crutch.

As example, a young guy name Joe goes to a gay nightclub and he is nervous. He decides to bring a friend along to be more socially comfortable. Early in the evening they spend most of the time focused on each other and enjoy small talk. After a few drinks they begin to relax and the rest of the room comes into focus. Eventually smiles and eye contact begins, followed by dancing and conversations with others at the bar. It might even lead into Joe going home and having sex.

For Joe, alcohol helped him cope with his social anxiety. However, if Joe doesn’t learn how to get past his social anxiety, because the alcohol seems to do the work for him, it may become the only way Joe is comfortable in socializing with other gay men. Alcohol then becomes the solution to the problem, but years later the alcohol becomes the symptom of the real problem, which Joe never learned how to resolve in the first place.

Understanding why people use drugs and alcohol is important. The most common reason gay men use drugs and alcohol is because they have social anxiety, lack self-esteem, and have sexual inhibitions. Sometimes substance abuse is so destructive that halting or significantly reducing the use is necessary before learning how to move forward with self-examination.

Here are a few common drugs people use and the general effects each have:

  • Alcohol: Generally relaxes and lowers inhibitions. Can allow you to feel freer to express yourself.
  • Cocaine (coke): Generally gives the feeling of empowerment, strength and confidence.
  • Ecstasy (molly): Generally feel less inhibited, enjoy the sense of touch, and the feeling of connecting with others. Other feelings of increased sexuality and less stress.
  • Crystal meth: Generally inhibitions are greatly reduced. Emotional feelings with others.

– See more at: http://www.thehomoculture.com/author/billcoleman/#sthash.izn6gr3H.fdaDSKhW.dpuf

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Gay Men, Sex(uality) and Crystal Meth Use

Author: May 21, 2014 0 Comments

Matters of Substance

Centre for Addictions Research of BC at the University of Victoria     http://carbc2300.wordpress.com/

 

Gay Men, Sex(uality) and Crystal Meth Use

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Drugs are people substitutes, people are drug substitutes¹

As a counsellor I prefer the term “drug use” rather than “addiction.” For many, addiction implies “bad behaviour” and can foster stigma and disempowerment for drug using individuals. One of the main characteristics of counselling is acceptance without judgment, especially when talking about sex with drugs. People use drugs for a reason, often to meet unfulfilled needs. Crystal meth was the most used illicit drug in the gay community during the 90s and early 2000s. While I am not an addictions specialist, about half of the gay men I see for therapy have current or past history of crystal meth problems. A common reason for gay men to use crystal meth relates to social and sexual inhibition and lack of connection to people.

Aspects of gay male subculture are dominated by sex. Within any medium size community, gay men can find sex within 10 minutes via phone apps. While such “hook-ups” frequently result in sexual release, they often do not meet their emotional needs. Many gay men struggle and cope with feelings of being different, or may have experienced various forms of abuse, and therefore question if they are lovable. Crystal may temporarily help users feel free of judgment, facilitate emotional connection with others and provide great pleasure with sexual partners.Crystal can also partially fulfill one’s sexual needs or fantasies, (i.e. engaging in “pig sex”), that otherwise might never be explored due to internal and/or external inhibitions. With reflection and support, these men often identify their desire for connectedness as the most important aspect of being high. Many report that without crystal, sex is boring because they are inhibited and cannot emotionally connect.

Crystal meth is not the problem but the symptom: the symptom of being unable to be free and spontaneous and therefore cannot connect with others. Thus, the primary goal of therapy is not to stop crystal use, but rather to assist the person in acquiring the skills needed to have uninhibited, drug-free and meaningful sex while feeling more connected with partners. This approach may require the therapist to be sexually open and sensitive to these topics in order to assist gay men to more intimately explore their sexual feelings and needs. As counsellors we need to lay the foundations of a nurturing therapeutic relationship that refrains from labels and judgments that disempower a person.  It seems with gay men and crystal use that, truly “drugs are people substitutes,” and with support, ideally “people can become drug substitutes.”

BillColeman

Author: Bill Coleman, counsellor

Biography: Most of Bill’s career has been working with criminals, primarily sexual criminals. He also works in the area of sexual health. Much of his work here has been with gay men at BC Centre for Disease Control, and many years in private practice.  He has also written for the LGBT newspaper, Xtra, on gay men and health. www.bcoleman.ca

¹  (Blachly, 1970) Seduction: A Conceptual Model in the Drug Dependencies and Other Contagious Ills, Paul H. Blachly, M.D., 1970, Charles C. Thomas, Springfield, Illinois

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More on gay guys and drug use

Author: March 7, 2012 0 Comments

 

 

There are many things that gay guys may do to excess.  The excess causing the most problems I see in our community are:  alcohol, Crystal Meth, coke, body image concerns.  The things that we do not do enough of are: self love, support for each other, self acceptance as we are, pursuing things that make us really happy.  Here I will look at the excesses.

Is there anything wrong with occasionally using drugs?  While some gay guys do not use substances there are many who do.  A few of those who use substances sometimes have trouble because of their use.

Some of the main problems around substance use are: unsafe behaviour, using drugs so much that is causes problems for the user i.e., financial concerns, and disrupting relationships, hindering personal growth.

I have tried to experience most drugs during my life, but I have not achieved that yet.

I think that the typical way of approaching problem substance use is to focus on the drug and not on the reasons for using the drug(s).  There are reasons why we may use drugs.  Drugs do something for the user.  The most common benefit we look for in substance use is to feel free/uninhibited.  Crystal Meth is a good example of this.  Crystal Meth often allows guys feel sexually free; to be free to be the sex pig they would like to be but are too inhibited to freely enjoy such sex without the assistance of drugs.  Alcohol also helps guys to feel less inhibited; coke can help guys to feel less vulnerable/more in control.  Marijuana can help us to feel more mellow/relaxed.

So the common theme behind most of this substance use is to compensate for feeling inhibited.  We do not feel free enough to be ourselves.  We learned at an early age to not be the gay kid in school, to not be who we are, to hide who we are … to inhibit our natural feelings.   It is no surprise to see our community use drugs that helps us to feel less inhibited and freer to be ourselves.

Most of us spent years trying to survive childhood and early adulthood by hiding our feelings, because we felt that was the only way to survive and thrive.  We knew that there was a risk in being free to be ourselves, these risks are real and intense, the most common fears of being ourselves centred around: safety risks (gay bashing), risk to our career advancement, risks to being teased or bullied in school, risk of losing love of our family/friends.  This early trauma of threat and survival will have an effect all our lives.  Some of us can use these experiences to make us stronger, confident that we can handle what comes our way.  For others we feel afraid, scared to be; apprehensive about the world that seems unsafe and unfair.   For most of us it is a bit of both.  (For me I think part of the reason for getting a PhD is to prove I was ok I was acceptable.)

It is not surprising that some of us use substances.  I believe that drugs are not the problem.   Drug use is the symptom. Usually the symptom is our trying to cope with fears and inhibitions in our lives.

Some guys find the traditional drug abstinence programs work for them, but many do not.

So what is another way to approach drug use in our community?  There is no one answer for everyone but I believe that for most guys it is important to explore what we get out of our drug use.  How can we get that same result without problematic substance use?  An example of this might be, how do we be free enough to be the sex pig we enjoy being without Crystal Meth?  Again in this case Crystal Meth may not be the problem but the enabler to allow us to be free.  Crystal often provides the sense of being free/spontaneous/inhibited, but most guys find the actual sexual stimulation/organism is less important than the feeling of being free to be a sex pig.

We all use substances to help us feel better it may be coffee, alcohol, chocolate, etc.  Do these substances we use bring us closer to being the person we feel good about, and do they make us a happier better person?  If these substances do not contribute to our ultimate happiness then we may want to make some changes.   We must understand our fears and inhibitions as well as work on ways to change our habits.  I think drug use is not a bad thing but if we feel it is not helping us to be the best we can be, then we may want to make some changes.  Some things that we can do is use less of the drug, try a different drug that does not cause us problems.  But addressing the underlying issues is important to grow to be who we want to be.  This may involve counselling, or self-examination, or just pushing ourselves to take some risks to be more our ultimate ourselves.

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