Tag Archive: crystal

Gay Men, Sex(uality) and Crystal Meth Use

Matters of Substance

Centre for Addictions Research of BC at the University of Victoria     http://carbc2300.wordpress.com/

 

Gay Men, Sex(uality) and Crystal Meth Use

Drugs are people substitutes, people are drug substitutes¹

As a counsellor I prefer the term “drug use” rather than “addiction.” For many, addiction implies “bad behaviour” and can foster stigma and disempowerment for drug using individuals. One of the main characteristics of counselling is acceptance without judgment, especially when talking about sex with drugs. People use drugs for a reason, often to meet unfulfilled needs. Crystal meth was the most used illicit drug in the gay community during the 90s and early 2000s. While I am not an addictions specialist, about half of the gay men I see for therapy have current or past history of crystal meth problems. A common reason for gay men to use crystal meth relates to social and sexual inhibition and lack of connection to people.

Aspects of gay male subculture are dominated by sex. Within any medium size community, gay men can find sex within 10 minutes via phone apps. While such “hook-ups” frequently result in sexual release, they often do not meet their emotional needs. Many gay men struggle and cope with feelings of being different, or may have experienced various forms of abuse, and therefore question if they are lovable. Crystal may temporarily help users feel free of judgment, facilitate emotional connection with others and provide great pleasure with sexual partners.Crystal can also partially fulfill one’s sexual needs or fantasies, (i.e. engaging in “pig sex”), that otherwise might never be explored due to internal and/or external inhibitions. With reflection and support, these men often identify their desire for connectedness as the most important aspect of being high. Many report that without crystal, sex is boring because they are inhibited and cannot emotionally connect.

Crystal meth is not the problem but the symptom: the symptom of being unable to be free and spontaneous and therefore cannot connect with others. Thus, the primary goal of therapy is not to stop crystal use, but rather to assist the person in acquiring the skills needed to have uninhibited, drug-free and meaningful sex while feeling more connected with partners. This approach may require the therapist to be sexually open and sensitive to these topics in order to assist gay men to more intimately explore their sexual feelings and needs. As counsellors we need to lay the foundations of a nurturing therapeutic relationship that refrains from labels and judgments that disempower a person.  It seems with gay men and crystal use that, truly “drugs are people substitutes,” and with support, ideally “people can become drug substitutes.”

BillColeman

Author: Bill Coleman, counsellor

Biography: Most of Bill’s career has been working with criminals, primarily sexual criminals. He also works in the area of sexual health. Much of his work here has been with gay men at BC Centre for Disease Control, and many years in private practice.  He has also written for the LGBT newspaper, Xtra, on gay men and health. www.bcoleman.ca

¹  (Blachly, 1970) Seduction: A Conceptual Model in the Drug Dependencies and Other Contagious Ills, Paul H. Blachly, M.D., 1970, Charles C. Thomas, Springfield, Illinois

Gay men and Sex(uality) and Drug Use

Gay men and Sex(uality) and drug use
Drugs are people substitutes – People are drug substitutes 1

When most people talk about drug use and sex, they think of addiction. So I should preface my comments on this subject with my take on “addiction”. First of all “addiction” is not a word I use. I believe that when people use the word addiction they are only describing what they see as “bad behaviour”. We have many repetitive behaviours that we do daily and perhaps compulsively but the word addiction would not be used to describe these behaviours. Some examples of such behaviours may be: I may wish to kiss my partner every day or a few times a day and have a negative feeling if it does not happen, I may like to cuddled daily, I may enjoy a few glasses of cold water daily etc. Often when the term “addiction” is used it seems to only provide a way of describing behaviour one is critical of, the label of addiction is not helpful and does not add to understanding.
Beginning a counselling relationship without acceptance and disempowering (http://www.pearsoned.ca/highered/showcase/shebib/pdf/samplechapter_ch07.pdf) an individual is a poor way to begin a counselling relationship. (http://www.ccpa-accp.ca/blog/?p=2996 ) One of the main characteristics of counselling is acceptance without judgment. (http://infed.org/mobi/helping-relationships-principles-theory-and-practice/) Starting counselling with a label describing the person as engaging in bad behaviour can be counterproductive. This is especially true when it is implied that “the person has no control over their behaviour.
People use drugs for a reason. There is an emotional need that is being met by the drug that is being used. Given this, the best way to begin to help an individual is to explore what they get out of using the drug. The next step is to help them to find other ways of meeting those emotional needs that more fully rewarding.
One drug that is popular with many gay men is Chrystal Meth. (http://www.wehoville.com/2013/12/02/crystal-meth-gay-men-start-load-road-addiction/ ) For some of those gay men crystal meth use can be problematic. Therefore without judgment I begin to explore with gay men what emotional needs does crystal meth allow him to satisfy. It often becomes apparent that most gay guys will use crystal meth to allow them to be the “sex pig” (http://cbrc.net/resources/2013/desire-and-defiance-pig-sex-project) that they would like to be, but do not allow themselves to explore without drugs. I was once asked to do a workshop on “Pig Sex” (http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/16537 ) . (Pig sex, is like pigging out at a Christmas dinner – that is eating too much, and a bit of everything.) The main point that came out of this workshop was: “We may not have the same kinks, but I know I will not be judged”. This lack of judgment allowed for a freedom in “pigging out”. Many gay guys have sexual needs/fantasies that they cannot fulfill without crystal meth. The use of that drug allows a person to explore many aspects of sexuality that may not be explored without some drug use, due to of internal and/or external inhibitions. It follows then that part of the motivation for crystal meth use may be because of sexual inhibition, and fear of judgment. If this true, than the goal is to help him to become less sexually inhibited, and be free to explore his sexual desires, without the problems caused by drug use. (I would suggest the therapist also must NOT be sexually inhibited.)
In addition many gay guys who use crystal meth are often looking for a feeling of being emotionally connected (at least for the moment) with the other guy(s). Many gay men grow up denying their sexual and emotional feelings. This denial of sexual and emotional feelings often happens because as the gay guy is growing up he will often have feeling of being different than other boys, of “not belonging”, and also questioning if they are lovable if parents and others knew they were gay. This sense of separation, being different, and questioning if they are lovable has a profound on most gay men.
Given that crystal meth allows a gay man to achieve feelings of connectedness, sexual openness and a feeling of freedom from judgment, it is not surprising that many gay men would be attracted to use crystal meth. Many gay men find great pleasure in what crystal meth can bring them. It is only because crystal meth is meeting these deep personal needs of a gay man that he uses this drug again and again and again. Often crystal meth users do not know of another way to feel sexually free and emotionally connected. Therefore, the goal is not, to stop crystal meth use, but to find ways to be sexually uninhibited and emotionally connected with other gay men. Stopping or reducing crystal meth use may be a byproduct of a happier more fulfilled life.
Craig Sloane reports that “By using gay affirmative treatment,” and “Promote self-acceptance, create safe and non-judgmental environments. We have to set up treatments that don’t pathologize gay sex.” (http://www.addictionpro.com/article/crystal-meth-and-its-use-among-gay-men )
Counsellors need to begin laying the foundations of a nurturing therapeutic relationship that refrains from labels and judgments that disempower a person. The therapist must recognize that drug use is meeting a person needs. Explore those needs and seek alternative ways of meeting those needs if drug use if problematic.

1. (Blachly, 1970) Seduction: A Conceptual Model in the Drug Dependencies and Other Contagious Ills, Paul H. Blachly, M.D., 1970, Charles C. Thomas, Springfield, Illinois

 

Most of my career has been working with criminals, and much of that with sexual criminals, I also work in the area of sexual health.  Much of my work has been with gay men at BC Centre for Disease Control, and in private practice.  I wrote a column in the local gay newspaper, Xtra, on gay men and health.  I tend to see the “problem behaviour that is presented” as the symptom,  (for example:  Sex, drug use, violence etc.) the goal is to discover what are the many facets that are pushing that behaviour.  Gay men have generally grown up emotionally alone, afraid of discovery, being taunted-bullied or teased with a constant fear of rejection from parents, family, friends, and classmates, this provides a unique obstacles later in life. (For more info: www.bcoleman.ca)

More on gay guys and drug use

 

 

There are many things that gay guys may do to excess.  The excess causing the most problems I see in our community are:  alcohol, Crystal Meth, coke, body image concerns.  The things that we do not do enough of are: self love, support for each other, self acceptance as we are, pursuing things that make us really happy.  Here I will look at the excesses.

Is there anything wrong with occasionally using drugs?  While some gay guys do not use substances there are many who do.  A few of those who use substances sometimes have trouble because of their use.

Some of the main problems around substance use are: unsafe behaviour, using drugs so much that is causes problems for the user i.e., financial concerns, and disrupting relationships, hindering personal growth.

I have tried to experience most drugs during my life, but I have not achieved that yet.

I think that the typical way of approaching problem substance use is to focus on the drug and not on the reasons for using the drug(s).  There are reasons why we may use drugs.  Drugs do something for the user.  The most common benefit we look for in substance use is to feel free/uninhibited.  Crystal Meth is a good example of this.  Crystal Meth often allows guys feel sexually free; to be free to be the sex pig they would like to be but are too inhibited to freely enjoy such sex without the assistance of drugs.  Alcohol also helps guys to feel less inhibited; coke can help guys to feel less vulnerable/more in control.  Marijuana can help us to feel more mellow/relaxed.

So the common theme behind most of this substance use is to compensate for feeling inhibited.  We do not feel free enough to be ourselves.  We learned at an early age to not be the gay kid in school, to not be who we are, to hide who we are … to inhibit our natural feelings.   It is no surprise to see our community use drugs that helps us to feel less inhibited and freer to be ourselves.

Most of us spent years trying to survive childhood and early adulthood by hiding our feelings, because we felt that was the only way to survive and thrive.  We knew that there was a risk in being free to be ourselves, these risks are real and intense, the most common fears of being ourselves centred around: safety risks (gay bashing), risk to our career advancement, risks to being teased or bullied in school, risk of losing love of our family/friends.  This early trauma of threat and survival will have an effect all our lives.  Some of us can use these experiences to make us stronger, confident that we can handle what comes our way.  For others we feel afraid, scared to be; apprehensive about the world that seems unsafe and unfair.   For most of us it is a bit of both.  (For me I think part of the reason for getting a PhD is to prove I was ok I was acceptable.)

It is not surprising that some of us use substances.  I believe that drugs are not the problem.   Drug use is the symptom. Usually the symptom is our trying to cope with fears and inhibitions in our lives.

Some guys find the traditional drug abstinence programs work for them, but many do not.

So what is another way to approach drug use in our community?  There is no one answer for everyone but I believe that for most guys it is important to explore what we get out of our drug use.  How can we get that same result without problematic substance use?  An example of this might be, how do we be free enough to be the sex pig we enjoy being without Crystal Meth?  Again in this case Crystal Meth may not be the problem but the enabler to allow us to be free.  Crystal often provides the sense of being free/spontaneous/inhibited, but most guys find the actual sexual stimulation/organism is less important than the feeling of being free to be a sex pig.

We all use substances to help us feel better it may be coffee, alcohol, chocolate, etc.  Do these substances we use bring us closer to being the person we feel good about, and do they make us a happier better person?  If these substances do not contribute to our ultimate happiness then we may want to make some changes.   We must understand our fears and inhibitions as well as work on ways to change our habits.  I think drug use is not a bad thing but if we feel it is not helping us to be the best we can be, then we may want to make some changes.  Some things that we can do is use less of the drug, try a different drug that does not cause us problems.  But addressing the underlying issues is important to grow to be who we want to be.  This may involve counselling, or self-examination, or just pushing ourselves to take some risks to be more our ultimate ourselves.