Tag Archive: gay

Parents and Gay Sons

Coming out: how parents talk to their child about being gay

Coming out: how parents talk to their child about being gay

Talking to your child about being gay and coming out is a challenge for every parent. It’s the parent that wants to be respectful and wait for their child to come to them, to talk about their sexuality. The question of a child’s sexuality can be difficult to talk about. Rejection is the biggest fear your kid will have, while the parent will be concerned about respecting their child’s privacy. Parents also worry about mis-interpreting things, getting it wrong, not knowing how to approach the situation, or by offending their child by bringing up the question when in fact their child may not know or have discovered his or her own sexuality.

Children wrestle with their sexual identity. When they figure out for themselves that they are gay it takes a while to become comfortable with the their own awareness. Once they’ve established that comfort of sexual orientation and identity, it then becomes easier to learn more and talk to others about it. It’s important for parents to know that a child is less likely to discuss his or her sexuality if there is any fear of rejection.

Parents need to create a safe and accepting environment. This can happen with gay issues are in the new, on TV, or in a movie. Parents can show acceptance of people who are different and discuss positively how being gay or bisexual is not an issue for the parent with friends, co-workers, or even other family members.

Talking about issues about how gay rights have evolved over the years, including marriage and adoption, are great ways to show acceptance, tolerance and understanding. Avoid using gay jokes and negative humour; gay men remember these jokes and comments for years and recall these negative expressions and concerns about how their parents would respond when they tell them they are gay.

In the book, All Out: A Father and Son Confront the Hard Truths That Made Them Better Men, written by leading Canadian broadcaster and anchor of Good Morning America, Kevin Newman and his son Alex Newman, address the challenges when Alex tells his family he is gay. In the book, Alex tells how he calls the family together to make an announcement. He was so anxious that he could hardly speak and could not tell his family he was gay. After a minute or two of seeing his son struggle to talk with his family, Kevin Newman asked Alex if he is gay. Kevin Newman writes about how difficult it was to ask Alex if he was gay and feeling that if he was wrong he will have damaged his relationship with his son.

This book is very helpful to understand the feelings Alex had, as well as providing insight into how his father experienced his feelings about his son being gay.

If the parent is not accepting of their child then it is important to talk with your about your struggle.   Learning more about gay culture is incredibly helpful and talking to other parents who have gay children is often very helpful.

Acceptance of a gay child can be a challenge for some parents. Most parents end up accepting and continuing to love their gay sons. Sometime this can take years. For everyone’s benefit the sooner the parent can find peace with his or her gay child the better everyone will be.

– See more at: http://www.thehomoculture.com/author/billcoleman/#sthash.izn6gr3H.gWdkW4Vv.dpuf

Gay Guys have to find their Own Way in the World; Straight guys are given a Life Plan

The complexities of the life path for gay men

The complexities of the life path for gay men

Heterosexual people’s lives are pretty straight forward. Go to school, get a job, find a girl friend, get married, have kids, retire, and enjoy having grandchildren. It’s been this way for generations. It’s engrained as the ideal North American lifestyle path that every man shall follow for a successful, happy life. At least that’s what we are told and meant to believe. But wait, what if you’re gay? That doesn’t work at all.

Gay men don’t follow the same path at their heterosexual counterparts. Essentially, there is not template for gay men to follow. While you think it might be obviously for a gay man to come out, find a partner, settle down, and live a great life with dual-incomes, it doesn’t exactly work that way.

Some gay men never come out of the closet, fearing retribution or rejection by friends and family. Some guys aren’t interested in finding a life-long partner or want to settle down in a relationship. Other gay men have no interest in investing in real estate or creating an estate to pass on. Without a model to follow (or to rebel against), for gay men, finding their way through life can be incredibly difficult and pose challenges along the way. On the flip side, gay men often have stronger character, are independent thinkers, and are creative problem solvers.

Young gay men often feel alone, scared, and lost because they aren’t able to follow the same path as heterosexual men. They face separate challenges of coming out, dating, bullying, and relationships. Their struggles are tougher. Young gay men who finally figure out they are gay, and accept the heteronormative idea of what a traditional man’s life is like, often has a harder time coping and adapting.

For men who realize they are gay when they are at an older stage of life have completely different challenges to face. A young gay man merrily goes along, creating his own template and expectations of life, throwing away the ideals of a heterosexuals life path into the trash. Whereas men who are further along in life feel confused about how to proceed on who he is, how it will impact his life, and what changes need to be made. Many men at this stage discard their old identify and create a new one. It’s a huge challenge. Going from having a planned out life to creating a new path in an incredible change, and it’s not easy.

Gay men have to find their own way through life, developing valuable skills and taking pride in their accomplishments along the way. But the awareness of this lifelong challenge is daunting. When gay men become aware of their altered path, they often feel alone on their life path and that they want to give up. Suicide, drugs, and alcohol are common coping mechanisms used to overcome the overwhelming feelings of stress and confusion.

The great news is that many gay men do find their way and create their own life path. Their paths are usually much more vibrant and very unique to their own personal needs, compared to their heterosexual counterparts, because their plans take into account the challenges they face along their journey. It may seem scary, but in fact, it’s beautiful and full of wonderful experiences many heterosexual men don’t get to understand.

– See more at: http://www.thehomoculture.com/author/billcoleman/#sthash.izn6gr3H.gWdkW4Vv.dpuf

Drugs – Alcohol; How do they fit into your life? Why we use them!

Making real changes in your life

The Blueberry SmashPeople use drugs and alcohol for their own personal reasons. Most people don’t realize that these substances are not a problem, but rather a symptom. They are used a coping mechanisms and in fact don’t solve the problem at all.

For many gay men, growing up isn’t easy. Most lessons in life are difficult, including fitting in and have concerns about fitting in. This leads to anxiety, stress, and fear of being rejected. This is where drugs and alcohol often come in, to be used as a way of coping with emotions, but not solving the problem on how to grow.

Once you’ve identified that substances may be a problem for you, overtaking your life, it’s a good time to make some changes. But making real changes is hard work. It’s not easy to get over social anxiety. Learning to have uninhibited sexual pleasure with another person is really hard for the average person.

Just because it’s difficult to make changes, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. First off, identify the emotional forces that drugs help you cope with. It could be anxiety, sexual inhibition, poor self-esteem, or something else.

Once you’ve identified your reason for using drugs or alcohol, focus on how to make better choices and change your behavior to get control. Each person has his or her own path to understanding. It could be personal counseling, reading books, talking to a friend, researching online, or just taking a deep look within you. It could even be a combination of many of these. You have to find a method that works for you, to help make the changes in your emotional state.

Personal counseling can be expensive and not accessible. When you are ready, if you can make the investment, personally or through a health insurance plan, then it will help move you a long ways in making the changes you needed. Find a counselor that you feel comfortable with and has both knowledge and experience with drug and alcohol use.

Reading books can be very helpful. Not all books will be useful, so choose ones that speak to you. Here are some suggestions:

  • Becoming a Man: Half a Life Story (Perennial Classics) Paperback – May 25, 2004, by Paul Monette
  • Becoming Gay: The Journey to Self-Acceptance Paperback – May 5, 2009, by Richard Isay
  • The Best Little Boy in the World Paperback – May 11, 1993, by John Reid (one of my favorites)
  • Coming Out of Shame: Transforming Gay and Lesbian Lives Paperback – December 1, 1996 by Gershon Kaufman Ph.D., Lev Raphael Ph.D.
  • Queer Blues: The Lesbian and Gay Guide to Overcoming Depression Paperback – July 10, 2001, by Kimeron N. Hardin, Marny Hall, Betty Berzon
  • 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love Paperback – May 24, 2012, by Joe Kort
  • Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives Paperback – July 31, 2012, by Joe Kort
  • Growth and Intimacy for Gay Men: A Workbook – April 4, 2014, by John Dececco, Phd and Christopher J Alexander
  • The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man’s World Paperback – Bargain Price, Apr 25 2006

Talking with a knowledgably friend is challenging. Hearing friends say uncomfortable things or hiding the truth may not solve the problem. However, it can be very helpful when used with multiple approaches, to ensure clarity and guidance.

Self-examination is not usually through of as an effective way to make changes, but some find benefit in examining their own lives. Most of the time this is most successful in combination with other approaches.

Addressing drug and alcohol use means taking control over unresolved internal emotional needs and taking changes in your emotional self. It is important to recognize the use for a particular reason, identifying the issues behind the use, and to create a plan to make life changes through the use of counseling, reading, talking, and self-examination.

 

Gay guys and monogamy?? Does it exist?

Gay guys and monogamy is rare and complex. I use to be a Psychologist at a sexually transmitted disease clinic. Many gay guys would tell me “My boyfriend thinks he is in a monogamous relationship.”

I do believe that monogamous relationships do exist for gay couples but I think they are much rarer than we know. A person once told me he was at a dinner with 6 gay couples and they all said they were in a monogamous relationship while the host said he had sex with all of them while in their monogamous relationship.

First problem with gay monogamy is that it is rarely defined what is monogamous. For many gay couples chatting with guys on sex sites is fine, maybe even masturbating while chatting is fine. And maybe even masturbating on line with live video is fine. How about masturbating with a guy when you do not touch each other is that ok? How far does this go, does saying “we didn’t kiss.”,” He only masturbated me”, “We slept together but did not have sex”, “I was lonely we only cuddled and kissed a little, we never had sex.” This list could go on for ever but it is seldom talked about what is meant when a person talks about monogamy. It is important to get it clear what is meant by monogamy.

The first part in a relationship when talking about monogamy is to define what is meant by monogamy for each person. It is also helpful to explain why you have the feelings you do have about monogamy. But knowing and discussing why the concept of monogamy is important for the partner(s). The important part is to understand why a partner needs rules to feel secure. It is important to understand what he is concerned about. Is it concern of a threat to the relationship? Or is it around social insecurity (what will people think. Is it jealously? Are there fears about STIs? Etc.

At the beginning of relationships monogamy may come easy but after a few weeks, months, or years, monogamy may become more difficult. It is important the partners continue to explore how the concept of monogamy fits into the evolving relationship.

Gay guys come up with elaborate rule around sex outside the relationship. There are such things “not in our hometown”, “not with mutual friends”, “not more than once/twice etc. not with the same guy”, “no fucking”, “he can’t fuck you”, “you can’t fuck him”, “only safe sex”, “ only have sex with other guys together”. This list can go on for pages.

All relationships will grow and evolve in many ways. This also applies to how monogamy fits into a relationship. People grow, people change in relationships the role of sex in a relationship can also change, love can continue through all these changes.

Too often in relationships partners will agree to monogamy to “please” the partner. At the beginning of a relationship it is easy to agree to monogamy but as time goes on monogamy may feel restrictive. It is important to talk about these concerns early in a relationship. It can feel threating to a partner when he is told by the guy he loves wants sex with other guys. Often this is a hard discussion to have, in fact it is so difficult that many guys will not bring up the discussion and just “cheat”.

There is a strong tendency for a guy who violates the rules about sex with others to not discuss the violation of the “rules” of the relationship. This often leads to guilt, shame, resentment, and distance in the relationship. While talking about the “mistake” may be difficult and cause hurt in the long run a stronger relationship is formed by honesty and working out problems.

It is important to understand that feelings about monogamy often will change over time, that is, there may be no one else but him/me at first but after a while (months, or years) other sexual experiences become exciting. It is important to talk about these feelings. Often guys will say “We are guys, we know sex is just sex, it does not mean anything personal”. Discussion around this topic is important in an open relationship.

There are a smaller number of gay guys who prefer to have an emotional connection when they are having sex. This can be problematic in an open relationship. This guy can have an emotional connection with someone without it being a threat to the primary relationship. In the same way close friendships do not have to be a threat to the primary relationship. We all feel emotional connections to many people at one time. For the guy who wishes to have an emotional and sexual connection it can be more complicated but open communication between the primary partners can address any concerns as they arise.

Gay Men, Sex(uality) and Crystal Meth Use

Matters of Substance

Centre for Addictions Research of BC at the University of Victoria     http://carbc2300.wordpress.com/

 

Gay Men, Sex(uality) and Crystal Meth Use

Drugs are people substitutes, people are drug substitutes¹

As a counsellor I prefer the term “drug use” rather than “addiction.” For many, addiction implies “bad behaviour” and can foster stigma and disempowerment for drug using individuals. One of the main characteristics of counselling is acceptance without judgment, especially when talking about sex with drugs. People use drugs for a reason, often to meet unfulfilled needs. Crystal meth was the most used illicit drug in the gay community during the 90s and early 2000s. While I am not an addictions specialist, about half of the gay men I see for therapy have current or past history of crystal meth problems. A common reason for gay men to use crystal meth relates to social and sexual inhibition and lack of connection to people.

Aspects of gay male subculture are dominated by sex. Within any medium size community, gay men can find sex within 10 minutes via phone apps. While such “hook-ups” frequently result in sexual release, they often do not meet their emotional needs. Many gay men struggle and cope with feelings of being different, or may have experienced various forms of abuse, and therefore question if they are lovable. Crystal may temporarily help users feel free of judgment, facilitate emotional connection with others and provide great pleasure with sexual partners.Crystal can also partially fulfill one’s sexual needs or fantasies, (i.e. engaging in “pig sex”), that otherwise might never be explored due to internal and/or external inhibitions. With reflection and support, these men often identify their desire for connectedness as the most important aspect of being high. Many report that without crystal, sex is boring because they are inhibited and cannot emotionally connect.

Crystal meth is not the problem but the symptom: the symptom of being unable to be free and spontaneous and therefore cannot connect with others. Thus, the primary goal of therapy is not to stop crystal use, but rather to assist the person in acquiring the skills needed to have uninhibited, drug-free and meaningful sex while feeling more connected with partners. This approach may require the therapist to be sexually open and sensitive to these topics in order to assist gay men to more intimately explore their sexual feelings and needs. As counsellors we need to lay the foundations of a nurturing therapeutic relationship that refrains from labels and judgments that disempower a person.  It seems with gay men and crystal use that, truly “drugs are people substitutes,” and with support, ideally “people can become drug substitutes.”

BillColeman

Author: Bill Coleman, counsellor

Biography: Most of Bill’s career has been working with criminals, primarily sexual criminals. He also works in the area of sexual health. Much of his work here has been with gay men at BC Centre for Disease Control, and many years in private practice.  He has also written for the LGBT newspaper, Xtra, on gay men and health. www.bcoleman.ca

¹  (Blachly, 1970) Seduction: A Conceptual Model in the Drug Dependencies and Other Contagious Ills, Paul H. Blachly, M.D., 1970, Charles C. Thomas, Springfield, Illinois

Why would you want to know if you are immune to HIV?

Why would you want to know if you are immune or partially immune to HIV?

Most gay men will know someone who has lots of unsafe sex but they are still negative it is likely because they are immune to HIV.   There are also lots of people who have been HIV positive for along time but are relatively healthy, these people are likely partially immune.

IF both your parents have the gene (CCR5) to make one immune to HIV then you will be immune.  IF one of your parents has the gene (CCR5) then you  will be partially immune to HIV.

 

IF YOU ARE HIV NEGATIVE – you may want to know you are immune because:

You can find out if you are immune to HIV or partially immune to HIV but getting a simple swab of your mouth.  The results will tell you if you are unlikely to become HIV + (partially immune), or if you will almost certainly will not become HIV+.  This knowledge may help you to have less anxiety about sex or some people may decide to have risker sex.

If one is partially immune then you will be a slow progresser, then the HIV virus will not have the same effect on you as someone who is not partially immune.

 

The immunity comes from not having receptors that allow the virus to enter the body.  One who is partially immune has fewer receptors so becoming infected is lessened and if one does get infected the disease will progress more slowly.

 

IF YOU ARE HIV POSITIVE – you may want to know you are immune because:

You will know if you are a slow progresser.   You may want to take less HIV medication to keep your viral load suppressed.  You may have peace of mind that you are not so likely to get sick from HIV.

A company called delta-32 will sell you the test to find out if you are immune to HIV.   Their website gives a lot of interesting information on HIV immunity.

Their website is:     http://www.delta-32.com/

Gay men and Sex(uality) and Drug Use

Gay men and Sex(uality) and drug use
Drugs are people substitutes – People are drug substitutes 1

When most people talk about drug use and sex, they think of addiction. So I should preface my comments on this subject with my take on “addiction”. First of all “addiction” is not a word I use. I believe that when people use the word addiction they are only describing what they see as “bad behaviour”. We have many repetitive behaviours that we do daily and perhaps compulsively but the word addiction would not be used to describe these behaviours. Some examples of such behaviours may be: I may wish to kiss my partner every day or a few times a day and have a negative feeling if it does not happen, I may like to cuddled daily, I may enjoy a few glasses of cold water daily etc. Often when the term “addiction” is used it seems to only provide a way of describing behaviour one is critical of, the label of addiction is not helpful and does not add to understanding.
Beginning a counselling relationship without acceptance and disempowering (http://www.pearsoned.ca/highered/showcase/shebib/pdf/samplechapter_ch07.pdf) an individual is a poor way to begin a counselling relationship. (http://www.ccpa-accp.ca/blog/?p=2996 ) One of the main characteristics of counselling is acceptance without judgment. (http://infed.org/mobi/helping-relationships-principles-theory-and-practice/) Starting counselling with a label describing the person as engaging in bad behaviour can be counterproductive. This is especially true when it is implied that “the person has no control over their behaviour.
People use drugs for a reason. There is an emotional need that is being met by the drug that is being used. Given this, the best way to begin to help an individual is to explore what they get out of using the drug. The next step is to help them to find other ways of meeting those emotional needs that more fully rewarding.
One drug that is popular with many gay men is Chrystal Meth. (http://www.wehoville.com/2013/12/02/crystal-meth-gay-men-start-load-road-addiction/ ) For some of those gay men crystal meth use can be problematic. Therefore without judgment I begin to explore with gay men what emotional needs does crystal meth allow him to satisfy. It often becomes apparent that most gay guys will use crystal meth to allow them to be the “sex pig” (http://cbrc.net/resources/2013/desire-and-defiance-pig-sex-project) that they would like to be, but do not allow themselves to explore without drugs. I was once asked to do a workshop on “Pig Sex” (http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/16537 ) . (Pig sex, is like pigging out at a Christmas dinner – that is eating too much, and a bit of everything.) The main point that came out of this workshop was: “We may not have the same kinks, but I know I will not be judged”. This lack of judgment allowed for a freedom in “pigging out”. Many gay guys have sexual needs/fantasies that they cannot fulfill without crystal meth. The use of that drug allows a person to explore many aspects of sexuality that may not be explored without some drug use, due to of internal and/or external inhibitions. It follows then that part of the motivation for crystal meth use may be because of sexual inhibition, and fear of judgment. If this true, than the goal is to help him to become less sexually inhibited, and be free to explore his sexual desires, without the problems caused by drug use. (I would suggest the therapist also must NOT be sexually inhibited.)
In addition many gay guys who use crystal meth are often looking for a feeling of being emotionally connected (at least for the moment) with the other guy(s). Many gay men grow up denying their sexual and emotional feelings. This denial of sexual and emotional feelings often happens because as the gay guy is growing up he will often have feeling of being different than other boys, of “not belonging”, and also questioning if they are lovable if parents and others knew they were gay. This sense of separation, being different, and questioning if they are lovable has a profound on most gay men.
Given that crystal meth allows a gay man to achieve feelings of connectedness, sexual openness and a feeling of freedom from judgment, it is not surprising that many gay men would be attracted to use crystal meth. Many gay men find great pleasure in what crystal meth can bring them. It is only because crystal meth is meeting these deep personal needs of a gay man that he uses this drug again and again and again. Often crystal meth users do not know of another way to feel sexually free and emotionally connected. Therefore, the goal is not, to stop crystal meth use, but to find ways to be sexually uninhibited and emotionally connected with other gay men. Stopping or reducing crystal meth use may be a byproduct of a happier more fulfilled life.
Craig Sloane reports that “By using gay affirmative treatment,” and “Promote self-acceptance, create safe and non-judgmental environments. We have to set up treatments that don’t pathologize gay sex.” (http://www.addictionpro.com/article/crystal-meth-and-its-use-among-gay-men )
Counsellors need to begin laying the foundations of a nurturing therapeutic relationship that refrains from labels and judgments that disempower a person. The therapist must recognize that drug use is meeting a person needs. Explore those needs and seek alternative ways of meeting those needs if drug use if problematic.

1. (Blachly, 1970) Seduction: A Conceptual Model in the Drug Dependencies and Other Contagious Ills, Paul H. Blachly, M.D., 1970, Charles C. Thomas, Springfield, Illinois

 

Most of my career has been working with criminals, and much of that with sexual criminals, I also work in the area of sexual health.  Much of my work has been with gay men at BC Centre for Disease Control, and in private practice.  I wrote a column in the local gay newspaper, Xtra, on gay men and health.  I tend to see the “problem behaviour that is presented” as the symptom,  (for example:  Sex, drug use, violence etc.) the goal is to discover what are the many facets that are pushing that behaviour.  Gay men have generally grown up emotionally alone, afraid of discovery, being taunted-bullied or teased with a constant fear of rejection from parents, family, friends, and classmates, this provides a unique obstacles later in life. (For more info: www.bcoleman.ca)

PEP Coming to BC Finally

 

 

Accessing HIV post-exposure drugs
GAY MEN’S HEALTH / BC launches nPEP pilot project
Nathaniel Christopher / Vancouver / Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Gay men in Vancouver will soon have expanded access to a drug therapy that can prevent them from becoming HIV-positive after exposure to the virus.

Next month the Ministry of Health and the BC Centre for Excellence in HIV/AIDS (BC-CfE) will implement an 18-month pilot project called non-occupational post-exposure prophylaxis (nPEP).

Right now PEP treatments, which are initiated within 72 hours of exposure to HIV and cost between $1,000 and $1,500, are publicly funded only for victims of sexual assault or people exposed to the virus in the workplace. Under nPEP the government will cover the costs for treatments following other high-risk exposures to HIV, such as unprotected sex and intravenous drug use.

“Non-occupational post-exposure prophylaxis will be rolled out in the next few weeks,” confirms Dr Val Montessori, co-chair of the therapeutic guidelines committee at BC-CfE. “If the individual is assessed as having been in a high risk situation, nPEP, which includes three medications active against HIV, will be prescribed. A physician is the only one who can prescribe these HIV medications. The cost of the medications will be covered for this pilot by PharmaCare.”

Bill Coleman welcomes the nPEP pilot project, but he wonders why it took so long to launch and says it will leave gay men outside Vancouver at risk.
(Nathaniel Christopher photo)

NPEP will soon be available at St Paul’s Hospital’s emergency department, the John Ruedy Immunodeficiency Clinic at the BC Centre for Disease Control, the Bute St Clinic, Spectrum Health Clinic and the Vancouver Coastal Health Downtown Community Health Centre.

“We are in the process of carefully reviewing the necessary information for the pharmacy, the pilot sites and the individuals who may access nPEP,” Montessori says. “We anticipate that the pilot will be ready to roll out in May.”

NPEP is not the “morning-after pill” for unsafe sex, but it can be an effective tool to prevent infection, says Jody Jollimore, project manager for the Health Initiative for Men (HIM).

“PEP is not a silver bullet,” he notes. “It’s not going to prevent HIV infections in our community completely, but certainly in certain instances it can be an effective tool. Our key will be to promote it not as the end of condom use but something that can be used in addition to a condom.”

PEP can have mild to severe side effects for many people, he adds.

“This is not a walk in the park,” he says. “In fact, the research says that over 80 percent of guys who access PEP once never return for a second course. So guys aren’t using this as a morning-after pill. And they won’t.”

HIM has been pushing for PEP to be more accessible to gay men for years. In 2010, the organization released a position paper titled “Post-Exposure Prophylaxis for Consensual Sexual Activity in British Columbia” which argues that gay men are becoming HIV-positive because they can’t access PEP.

The paper describes three Vancouver-area men who attempted to access PEP after having unprotected receptive anal sex with other men. One of them was “able and eager” to pay for the PEP himself; the other two were not given the option of paying. All three were denied the treatment and subsequently seroconverted.

Bill Coleman, a Vancouver therapist who has worked with the HIV community for more than 25 years, says inaction from provincial HIV policymakers led to many needless HIV infections.

“They are slow and backward in their policy,” Coleman says “That is just really unforgivable. I still see people who, if they would have known about PEP, might not be infected and may not have infected other people. I just think it’s quite unforgivable that they didn’t take any action for years.”

Jollimore notes that some gay men are able to access PEP with the right health insurance, a doctor who will prescribe it and knowledge of the treatment itself. “Without that it’s a bit of a patchwork as to who can get it and who can not,” he says. “Certain third party health insurance companies already cover these medications. For instance, we had a flight attendant contact us about a year ago and we directed him to the appropriate health care providers, he got a prescription, submitted the prescription to his insurance company and they covered the medications for him.”

Coleman says some gay men in the community, unable to access PEP, have taken matters into their own hands by taking their HIV-positive friends’ medication. “But most people wouldn’t know enough about PEP to do it.”

Jollimore believes the nPEP pilot project was implemented in response to growing pressure from the gay community, as well as studies that show PEP is an integral component of HIV prevention, especially among people at higher risk of HIV infection such as gay men and intravenous drugs users.

“There are a number of factors I think that are influencing why it’s happening now,” Jollimore says. “One of them is the Stop HIV/AIDS pilot project which of course is touting a treatment-as-prevention model, which is saying that having people on medication can prevent transmission of HIV. So PEP fits within that model, of course, but also there’s been a growing pressure that comes from the community onto the various health authorities to make this prevention available.”

Montessori agrees that nPEP “dovetails nicely with the efforts currently underway in BC to expand HIV treatment as prevention, which is aimed to curb AIDS-related morbidity and mortality, as well as new HIV infections. BC is currently leading the country regarding the rate of decline of AIDS-related morbidity and mortality, as well as new infections, and this trend has remained apparent over the last decade.”

Coleman wonders why the project is limited to just Vancouver. He believes the action being taken is halfhearted and still leaves much of the population at risk.

“Why would it be a pilot project and why isn’t it available everywhere in the province?” he asks. “What if you live in Victoria or Prince George and need PEP? Many provinces  provide it so why is this place so backwards?”

Access to nPEP varies by province and territory. It is covered only in Quebec, Prince Edward Island, Newfoundland and Labrador and on a case-by-case basis in Alberta, according to Jim Pollock, communications director at the Canadian AIDS Treatment Information Exchange.

NPEP has been available to Quebec residents since 1999 and is funded there by the provincial drug plan regardless of how the patient was exposed to HIV.

It’s also available at every hospital and health centre in Newfoundland and Labrador.

“It’s all covered here,” says Gerard Yetman, executive director of the AIDS Committee of Newfoundland and Labrador. “We’re also in discussion to have PEP available with our needle exchange van that actually operates in two centres in the province. PEP is available basically for anybody who requires it.”

Montessori says the BC-CfE will share the results of the pilot project with the BC government, which will ultimately decide how readily available nPEP will be in the future.

Why no one speaks for Gay Men’s Health concerns

 

 

IT may be time to explore the systematic causes for the reasons that gay men’s health is being generally ignored by governments.  Before our health needs will be addressed appropriately we need a strong lobbing or advisory group who is not government funded and it free to take a strong stand on important issues.

An example of poor government action on gay men’s health is PEP.  PEP will effectively halt HIV infection in persons who have had a risk the previous day (or two).  PEP has been made available by many governments around the world.  Even in what some may think of as a slow and backward country like South Africa has made PEP available for years.  But, not in BC.  Why are we so slow?  Why have gay men become infected by HIV for years when they did not need to be?  I believe that it is because we have not had a strong independent voice to harass the government and force change.   HIM over a year and a half ago wrote a paper on the benefits of PEP and quietly lobbied the government.  An influential gay physician wrote a strongly worded letter to the government body responsible for PEP, pushing for PEP.  Yet still we have only a local trial of the use of PEP that begins this month.  If you do not live in Vancouver you are out of luck.

A local gay agency has had some of its funding withheld because this Conservative government did not approve of their actions.  We cannot count on our non-profit agencies to take strong stands against government.  If they do embarrass governments then we risk them losing funding, and us losing these effective agencies in our community.

In the early 80s the agency which preceded Positive Living (PWA) was loud and unrelenting in forcing proper care and treatment for persons with HIV.  Guys were literally fighting for their lives, and it is because of this that they were able to force governments to address the needs of those with HIV.  We now have no group who can forcefully stand up to the government to demand proper policies and services for gay men.

When profit is part of the equation then policy advancement slows dramatically.  It took almost 20 years of research to “prove” that cigarettes cause cancer.  Everyone admitted that there was a link of cigarettes and cancer but no real proof of the cause for over 20 years.   In our case we have a study that was done that saw that people who used water based lube for anal sex were three times more likely to get HIV or STIs.  Upon exploring this relationship more it was found that likely most water based lube damages anal lining.  Now we are two years after the original research but no authority will advise you to consider not using water based lube, until it is further understood.  Though there may not be “proof” of water base lube causing HIV and STI transmission you should know there is an apparent link and you can choose lube according.  Who is advocating for us?

Another example of poor government policy came to light when I was writing about condoms provided to our community.  I was told that the Ministry of Health formulates it policy for the entire province.  They would not tell me what criteria was used to select “proper” condoms, or who was on the committee that is charged with this task.  If 10% of the population is gay, then 5% of the provincial population are gay men yet they account for over 50% of the HIV!  It seems only sensible that the most useable and effective condoms be made available to gay men.  No changes will come about until the government is forced to take action.

I am calling for the Provincial government to formulate a committee of gay men who are not part of the government or government agencies who are not afraid to ask difficult questions and push for effective public policies for our community.  Current policy that is formulated seems to come from persons who read about gay men and their sexual behaviour, but I wonder if any of them making policy affecting gay men really understands the complex dynamics that are part of our sexual community.  It seems only reasonable to ask “the experts” – in this case the experts are not those who read about gay men’s sex but those who know and understand the complexity of gay sex.

 

This is my last regular column in Xtra, but you can follow some of my thoughts on my blog – bcoleman.ca where you can find writing that did not make it into print and other random thoughts.