Monthly Archive: June 2015

Using Crystal Meth; make sure it is a positive experience

The dangers of crystal meth in the gay community

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Crystal meth is one of the most widely used drugs in the gay community. It is very seductive, cheap, and sexual. The drug creates a fun and uninhibited feeling and the cost is significantly cheaper than buying drinks in a bar. These are all factors of why the narcotic has become popular in use by the gay community.

However, there are many downsides of using crystal meth. Using crystal meth can:

  • take multiple days for the body to fully recover,
  • cause memory loss, heart conditions, or psychotic behaviour,
  • make it difficult to maintain an erection,
  • make it hard to reach orgasm,
  • lead to uninhibited and risky sexual situations,
  • create a false sense of happiness, and
  • become an addiction after the first use.

While crystal meth may be seen as some as a wonder drug, giving users the chance to feel like they are having a wonderful sexual experience, it can easily make people lose themselves by chasing the high to have the sex they think they are looking for. The drug psychologically seduces the user.

People who use crystal meth on a regular basis report that is has effected their job performance, social connections, financial position, and sex lives. The hunt for crystal meth fuelled sex marathons becomes the routine goal.

The difficulty in the situation is not knowing when the addiction has set it, to the point when crystal meth takes over your life. Guys can lose themselves easily and quickly. When firm boundaries are not set users are more susceptible to get lost and start heading down the slippery slope. It’s accepted that someone might go to work a bit hung over from the previous nights escapades, but crystal meth users aren’t able to do that.

Thankfully there are treatment programs for people who need help. Finding a program that is designed for gay men is important, to be able to share and support each other along the path to recovery

– See more at: http://www.thehomoculture.com/author/billcoleman/#sthash.izn6gr3H.fdaDSKhW.dpuf

Gay Nerds, A large part of the Gay Community

Gay geeks and nerds don’t get the proper recognition they deserve

IMG_4499Geeks and nerds are more common in the gay community than you think. Some people would never want to be in a room full of this crowd, some people happily blend in, and others are attracted like magnets. But the fact is, gay geeks and nerds are a cool part of the LGBT community.

Scruff, a gay slang dictionary, defines a gay nerd as: A gay man with deep and enthusiastic knowledge of one or more hobbies, sports, activities, professional fields, or intellectual pursuits.

The Urban Dictionary defines a gay nerd as: Though he wears glasses, neckties, and is always reading a book, Jack does have a sculpted face and chiseled abs. He’s the ultimate cute gay nerd.

The Random Geekings defines a gay geek as: One who is perceived to be overly obsessed with one or more things including those of intellectuality, electronics, etc.

Who really makes up the gay community? The first types that come to mind are the muscle gays, the circuit sisters, the club kids, and the gaybours. But these types are just a small part of the gay community, and the ones who are most visible. The largest part of the community aren’t usually seen. However, it’s those who aren’t seen in the community, at the bars, and in the clubs, that you might find on the next sex-dating app.

Gay geeks and nerds don’t get the proper recognition they deserve. While some guys may not identify with being a geek or nerd, in social situations they will find themselves talking about their ideas, politics, or areas of keen interest. Very serious and in-depth discussions.

The community would look much different if it was accurately represented in the media, specifically the gay media. Most gay men are shy, socially awkward, and uncomfortable. However, many are overachievers too. Gay geeks and nerds enjoy discussions ideas more than the latest fashion trends. Most of them are not flamboyant or social butterflies, but they have a place in the community right alongside the muscle gays and party boys.

Most clubs and venues have fetish and theme nights. Perhaps it’s time to have a Geek and Nerd night, where its comfortable to talk about ideas and have the opportunity for hot sexual encounters. No, not a library or an Internet café. A real place where geeks and nerds can cruise and be cruised, enticed out to explore meeting others like themselves.

Gay Geeks and Nerds unite. Take back the community!

– See more at: http://www.thehomoculture.com/author/billcoleman/#sthash.izn6gr3H.fdaDSKhW.dpuf

Drugs – Alcohol; How do they fit into your life? Why we use them!

Making real changes in your life

The Blueberry SmashPeople use drugs and alcohol for their own personal reasons. Most people don’t realize that these substances are not a problem, but rather a symptom. They are used a coping mechanisms and in fact don’t solve the problem at all.

For many gay men, growing up isn’t easy. Most lessons in life are difficult, including fitting in and have concerns about fitting in. This leads to anxiety, stress, and fear of being rejected. This is where drugs and alcohol often come in, to be used as a way of coping with emotions, but not solving the problem on how to grow.

Once you’ve identified that substances may be a problem for you, overtaking your life, it’s a good time to make some changes. But making real changes is hard work. It’s not easy to get over social anxiety. Learning to have uninhibited sexual pleasure with another person is really hard for the average person.

Just because it’s difficult to make changes, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. First off, identify the emotional forces that drugs help you cope with. It could be anxiety, sexual inhibition, poor self-esteem, or something else.

Once you’ve identified your reason for using drugs or alcohol, focus on how to make better choices and change your behavior to get control. Each person has his or her own path to understanding. It could be personal counseling, reading books, talking to a friend, researching online, or just taking a deep look within you. It could even be a combination of many of these. You have to find a method that works for you, to help make the changes in your emotional state.

Personal counseling can be expensive and not accessible. When you are ready, if you can make the investment, personally or through a health insurance plan, then it will help move you a long ways in making the changes you needed. Find a counselor that you feel comfortable with and has both knowledge and experience with drug and alcohol use.

Reading books can be very helpful. Not all books will be useful, so choose ones that speak to you. Here are some suggestions:

  • Becoming a Man: Half a Life Story (Perennial Classics) Paperback – May 25, 2004, by Paul Monette
  • Becoming Gay: The Journey to Self-Acceptance Paperback – May 5, 2009, by Richard Isay
  • The Best Little Boy in the World Paperback – May 11, 1993, by John Reid (one of my favorites)
  • Coming Out of Shame: Transforming Gay and Lesbian Lives Paperback – December 1, 1996 by Gershon Kaufman Ph.D., Lev Raphael Ph.D.
  • Queer Blues: The Lesbian and Gay Guide to Overcoming Depression Paperback – July 10, 2001, by Kimeron N. Hardin, Marny Hall, Betty Berzon
  • 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love Paperback – May 24, 2012, by Joe Kort
  • Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives Paperback – July 31, 2012, by Joe Kort
  • Growth and Intimacy for Gay Men: A Workbook – April 4, 2014, by John Dececco, Phd and Christopher J Alexander
  • The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man’s World Paperback – Bargain Price, Apr 25 2006

Talking with a knowledgably friend is challenging. Hearing friends say uncomfortable things or hiding the truth may not solve the problem. However, it can be very helpful when used with multiple approaches, to ensure clarity and guidance.

Self-examination is not usually through of as an effective way to make changes, but some find benefit in examining their own lives. Most of the time this is most successful in combination with other approaches.

Addressing drug and alcohol use means taking control over unresolved internal emotional needs and taking changes in your emotional self. It is important to recognize the use for a particular reason, identifying the issues behind the use, and to create a plan to make life changes through the use of counseling, reading, talking, and self-examination.

 

Looking at Why You use Drugs

Is your substance use masking a bigger problem?

Gay men are known to be anxious, inhibited, fear criticism, and have a need for connection to others. Party drugs are one of the easiest and most common ways for gay men help cope with these feelings and fears. While drugs my help cope, they never deal with unwanted feelings or address insecurities.

When drug use begins to cause problems most people admit that it’s time to make a change, which often results in discontinuing with the drug use. But it’s important to understand why guys are turning to drugs or alcohol as coping mechanisms.

Most people turn to drugs or alcohol because the substance helps in dealing with a scary world and make things more comfortable. Gay men have learned that to survive as youth you need to fit in and be nice to others. That means looking outside and not being true to you. It’s not being genuine or authentic to you. But this is how confused youth learn how to survive.

Unfortunately, most queer youth don’t get the opportunity to learn what being gay is, or how to be themselves. As they enter adulthood, most don’t even have basic dating experience. Pile on top of that the stereotype of gay men being creative, artistic, fashion conscious, obsessed with being neat and tidy, and having exemplarity behavior. Except for being creative and artistic, these are similar characteristics of someone who may have anxiety with concerns of fitting in and pleasing others.

Substance use helps get out of this restrictive box, but only temporarily. Drugs work short term, but they don’t fix or address the problem. They just mask them. The hard work comes by addressing the need of the substance use.

If you feel you have a drug or alcohol problem, consult with a physician or medical professional

– See more at: http://www.thehomoculture.com/author/billcoleman/#sthash.izn6gr3H.fdaDSKhW.dpuf

Using Drugs and Parting (part two)

Using drugs and alcohol could be a symptom of a bigger problem

Matinee Las Vegas 2015 Circuit Party

Addiction traditionally it relates powerlessness and bad behaviour, especially in the gay community. Gay men do not need any more negativity; they have enough to deal with as it is. It’s important to understand that while many gay men do drugs or drink alcohol, which is not the problem. It’s the symptom. If you only focus on the symptom and not the problem, then the problem remains unaddressed. Reasons for taking drugs or alcohol need to be understood or the opportunity to grow will be missed.

Drugs and alcohol are often used to help cope with difficult life situations. It’s a positive way to conquer fears and give an illusion or sense of control and understanding about why they are used.

Just because someone may use drugs or alcohol does not mean they have a problem. What can the problem is when substances begin to interfere with allowing yourself to be you. When your job or relationship is being hurt it’s time to take a step back and understand why drugs and alcohol are being used. Gay men especially need to find other ways to meet the needs these substances are giving them, instead of relying on them as a crutch.

As example, a young guy name Joe goes to a gay nightclub and he is nervous. He decides to bring a friend along to be more socially comfortable. Early in the evening they spend most of the time focused on each other and enjoy small talk. After a few drinks they begin to relax and the rest of the room comes into focus. Eventually smiles and eye contact begins, followed by dancing and conversations with others at the bar. It might even lead into Joe going home and having sex.

For Joe, alcohol helped him cope with his social anxiety. However, if Joe doesn’t learn how to get past his social anxiety, because the alcohol seems to do the work for him, it may become the only way Joe is comfortable in socializing with other gay men. Alcohol then becomes the solution to the problem, but years later the alcohol becomes the symptom of the real problem, which Joe never learned how to resolve in the first place.

Understanding why people use drugs and alcohol is important. The most common reason gay men use drugs and alcohol is because they have social anxiety, lack self-esteem, and have sexual inhibitions. Sometimes substance abuse is so destructive that halting or significantly reducing the use is necessary before learning how to move forward with self-examination.

Here are a few common drugs people use and the general effects each have:

  • Alcohol: Generally relaxes and lowers inhibitions. Can allow you to feel freer to express yourself.
  • Cocaine (coke): Generally gives the feeling of empowerment, strength and confidence.
  • Ecstasy (molly): Generally feel less inhibited, enjoy the sense of touch, and the feeling of connecting with others. Other feelings of increased sexuality and less stress.
  • Crystal meth: Generally inhibitions are greatly reduced. Emotional feelings with others.

– See more at: http://www.thehomoculture.com/author/billcoleman/#sthash.izn6gr3H.fdaDSKhW.dpuf