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Gay Men, Sex(uality) and Crystal Meth Use

Author: May 21, 2014 0 Comments

Matters of Substance

Centre for Addictions Research of BC at the University of Victoria     http://carbc2300.wordpress.com/

 

Gay Men, Sex(uality) and Crystal Meth Use

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Drugs are people substitutes, people are drug substitutes¹

As a counsellor I prefer the term “drug use” rather than “addiction.” For many, addiction implies “bad behaviour” and can foster stigma and disempowerment for drug using individuals. One of the main characteristics of counselling is acceptance without judgment, especially when talking about sex with drugs. People use drugs for a reason, often to meet unfulfilled needs. Crystal meth was the most used illicit drug in the gay community during the 90s and early 2000s. While I am not an addictions specialist, about half of the gay men I see for therapy have current or past history of crystal meth problems. A common reason for gay men to use crystal meth relates to social and sexual inhibition and lack of connection to people.

Aspects of gay male subculture are dominated by sex. Within any medium size community, gay men can find sex within 10 minutes via phone apps. While such “hook-ups” frequently result in sexual release, they often do not meet their emotional needs. Many gay men struggle and cope with feelings of being different, or may have experienced various forms of abuse, and therefore question if they are lovable. Crystal may temporarily help users feel free of judgment, facilitate emotional connection with others and provide great pleasure with sexual partners.Crystal can also partially fulfill one’s sexual needs or fantasies, (i.e. engaging in “pig sex”), that otherwise might never be explored due to internal and/or external inhibitions. With reflection and support, these men often identify their desire for connectedness as the most important aspect of being high. Many report that without crystal, sex is boring because they are inhibited and cannot emotionally connect.

Crystal meth is not the problem but the symptom: the symptom of being unable to be free and spontaneous and therefore cannot connect with others. Thus, the primary goal of therapy is not to stop crystal use, but rather to assist the person in acquiring the skills needed to have uninhibited, drug-free and meaningful sex while feeling more connected with partners. This approach may require the therapist to be sexually open and sensitive to these topics in order to assist gay men to more intimately explore their sexual feelings and needs. As counsellors we need to lay the foundations of a nurturing therapeutic relationship that refrains from labels and judgments that disempower a person.  It seems with gay men and crystal use that, truly “drugs are people substitutes,” and with support, ideally “people can become drug substitutes.”

BillColeman

Author: Bill Coleman, counsellor

Biography: Most of Bill’s career has been working with criminals, primarily sexual criminals. He also works in the area of sexual health. Much of his work here has been with gay men at BC Centre for Disease Control, and many years in private practice.  He has also written for the LGBT newspaper, Xtra, on gay men and health. www.bcoleman.ca

¹  (Blachly, 1970) Seduction: A Conceptual Model in the Drug Dependencies and Other Contagious Ills, Paul H. Blachly, M.D., 1970, Charles C. Thomas, Springfield, Illinois

Interesting stuff for gay guys

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Achieving great gay sex with a partner

Author: February 27, 2014 0 Comments

EXPLORING GOOD SEX TOGETHER

 

This questionnaire is for couples who wish to explore improving their sex together.

Single guys can use this to better understand their sexual interests and then become more assertive in finding the sex they like.

 

It is best to fill this form out separate from your partner(s).  Try to be a through as possible in your answers.  If you need more space you can write on the margins or on other paper. Think of statements like: “I like it when you…”, or “I would like you to ….”, or “I would like to …….”.  Try to think as creatively as possible, and be as open as possible.  When you answer these questions please talk about what you would like from your partner(s) and what you want to experience/do with him/them.

Then get together with your partner(s) and discuss your answers.

These are the following categories you are asked to write your feelings about.

Kissing                                                  Hugging Holding                              Fondling/Groping

Body Touching                                  Nipple Play                                        Butt Play

Balls                                                      Cock                                                      Ass Hole

Cum                                                       Toys                                                       Fetish                                                  

SM                                                         Porn                                                      Drugs                                                   

Fisting                                                  Threesomes (+)                                                Talking during sex                          

Bath Houses/Parks, etc.               Open Relationship                          Sexual Hang-ups                             

Other

 

EXAMPLE:   KISSING

I like it when you :  stick your tongue deep in my mouth.

I would like more:  of the times you gently bite on my lower lip, it is nice.

 I kind of like/maybe like: kissing you hard and long

I don’t/not sure I like:  You spitting in my mouth, kissing in public

Other comments: I worry about me having bad breath sometimes.

 

KISSING

When we are kissing together, I like:

I like it when you: ______________________________________________________________________

I would like more: ______________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t/not sure I like: ___________________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

HUGGING/HOLDING (non-sexual touching)

When we are hugging/holding each other I like:

I like it when you: ______________________________________________________________________

I would like more: ______________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t/not sure I like: ___________________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

FONDLING/GROPING/CUDDLING (sexual touching, through clothes)

(for example: crotch touching, ass grabbing/patting, nipple tweaking etc.)

When we are fondling/groping each other I like:

I like it when you: ______________________________________________________________________

I would like more: ______________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t/not sure I like: ___________________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

BODY TOUCHING/CUDDLING  – No clothing (sexual/sensual body touching, and/or cuddling)

(For example:  touching rubbing back/legs/face/hands etc, etc.)

When we are touching each other’s naked bodies I like:

I like it when you: ______________________________________________________________________

I would like more: ______________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t/not sure I like: ___________________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

NIPPLE PLAY:

(For example: touching, licking, sucking intensity, etc.)

When we play with each other’s nipples I like:

I like it when you: ______________________________________________________________________

I would like more: ______________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t/not sure I like: ___________________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

BUTT PLAY: (not ass-hole)

(For example grabbing, touching, slapping etc.)

When we touch/play with each other butts I like:

I like it when you: ______________________________________________________________________

I would like more: ______________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t/not sure I like: ___________________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

BALLS:

(For example: touching, pulling, licking, slapping etc.)

When we are touching each other’s balls I like:

I like it when you: ______________________________________________________________________

I would like more: ______________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t/not sure I like: ___________________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

COCK:

(For example: touching, stroking, sucking, licking, slapping etc.)

When we are playing with each other’s cock I like:

I like it when you: ______________________________________________________________________

I would like more: ______________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t/not sure I like: ___________________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

ASS HOLE:

(For example: rimming, fucking, harder/longer/more often, clean, fingering, dildos, etc.)

When we are playing with each other’s ass hole I like:

I like it when you: ______________________________________________________________________

I would like more: ______________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t/not sure I like: ___________________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

CUM:

I have the following feelings about cum:

I am very interested in: __________________________________________________________________

I am curious about: _____________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t think I would like: _ _______________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

TOYS:

(For example:  dildos, electro, nip clamps, etc.)

I like it when you: ______________________________________________________________________

I would like more: ______________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t/not sure I like: ___________________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

FETISH:

I have some interest in exploring the following fetishes:

I have the following fetishes I would like to explore/talk about: (for example:  leather, boots, jockstraps, water sports, scat, etc.)

I am very interested in: __________________________________________________________________

I am curious about: _____________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t think I would like: ________________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

SM:

I would like to maybe explore some of these things:

I would talk about/explore the follow “SM” stuff:   (For example:  being tied up, tying you up, whips, paddles, wax, slapping, edging etc.)

I am very interested in: __________________________________________________________________

I am curious about: _____________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t think I would like: _______________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

PORN

I have the following feelings about Porn:

I am very interested in: __________________________________________________________________

I am curious about: _____________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t think I would like: ________________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

Drugs

(For example:  Poppers, Marijuana,  E, Crystal Meth, Alcohol, etc.)

I have the follow feelings about sex and drugs together:

I am very interested in: __________________________________________________________________

I am curious about: _____________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t think I would like: _______________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

Fisting

I have the following feelings about fisting/fingering:

I am very interested in: __________________________________________________________________

I am curious about: _____________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t think I would like: ________________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

Threesomes (and 4 and 5 etc.)

I have the following feelings about threesomes and 4 and 5 etc.:

I am very interested in: __________________________________________________________________

I am curious about: _____________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t think I would like:  _______________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

BATH HOUSE/PARKS/PUBLIC SEX

I have the following feelings about bath houses:

I am very interested in: __________________________________________________________________

I am curious about: _____________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t think I would like: ________________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

Talking during sex play

(for example: “that feels good”, “harder”, “I love you…” or name calling)

I would like to be able to say/express the following things when we are having sex.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I would like you to say/express the following things when we are having sex.  _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

SEX WITH OTHER GUYS (OPEN RELATIONSHIP)

I have the following feelings about an open relationship:

I am very interested in: __________________________________________________________________

I am curious about: _____________________________________________________________________

I kind of like/maybe like: ________________________________________________________________

I don’t think I would like: ________________________________________________________________

Other comments: ______________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

I HAVE THE FOLLOW SEXUAL HANG-UPS/CONCERNS/PROBLEMS

(For example: losing erection when I fuck, dirty ass hole, too shy, to horny, cum to soon, etc. etc.)

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

Other things not covered:

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Interesting stuff for gay guys

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Affordable Counselling: In Person and via Skype

Author: October 15, 2011 0 Comments

 

Bill Coleman PhD

I am an experienced counsellor with over 25 years of experience.  I have taught individual counselling and group counselling.  I have worked as a psychologist in a sexually transmitted disease clinic for over 10 years, and I have also work as a psychologist with criminals in different settings.  

It is easy to book an appointment in person:

1. Click on the “Book an Appointment” button (This button is under construction for a few days, please call 778 320 4850 until it is working again)

2. Find a time that works for you  Book the time you wish to meet.  

IF you have any questions, or cannot find a time convenient, feel free to phone me at 778 320 4850.

 

 

 

AREAS OF SPECIALIZATION

I specialize in gay men’s issues; such as:
– coming out
– dating
– sexuality
– HIV
– STIs
– relationships etc.

 

WHAT IT COSTS

I charge on a sliding scale.  It isaffordable to anyone! My rates are based on whatever you, the client, makes per hour.  The best rule of thumb is:  look at you gross annual income and divide that by 2000.  If you make 50,000 a year then it is 25.00 per hour, or if you make 10,000 a year it is 5.00 per hour etc. (The rate you pay is based on trust and your honesty.)

 

You can read this blog and learn more about me.

 

WHERE I AM LOCATED  

 #3401  1028 Barclay St.                            enter code 0219

           

 After 16 March 2015:

 #808  1160 Burrard St.

(Burrard Health Centre)

enter code 930

 

Enterance to #808 1160 Burrard St.

Entrance to #808 1160 Burrard St.

HOW IT WORKS

 

If you click on the Schedule an Appointment button it will take to you my calendar and you can book a time for counselling.  You need to give your skype name, so we can get in contact.

 My Skype name is  billvancouver.

 

You may pay by: Visa or MasterCard, as well as Paypal.

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