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Yearly Archive: 2015

Gay Men and Denial

Author: December 7, 2015 0 Comments

Denial: coming to grips with feelings and the path to happiness

Nobel Prize winner Patrick White denied being gayDenial is refusing to accept reality or fact, acting as if in a painful event, thought, or feeling did not exist.

Gay men are very good at denial. It’s considered to be one of the most primitive defense mechanisms, characteristic of childhood development. It’s used to avoid dealing with painful feelings that people don’t want to admit.

For gay men, denial starts early, often denying that they are gay. It’s a frequent response to initial internal feeling of attraction to other guys. It’s learned at an early age. Gay boys learn to hone denial, turning it into a useful way of dealing with issues and situations they don’t like or want to avoid.

In the work environment, gay men will claim to be bisexual. Yes, they could have sex with women, but these same guys haven’t looked sexually at a women in decades, let alone have sex with them. Not all guys who identify as bisexual are in denial, but some certainly are. Their dishonesty is giving bisexuals a bad rep.

Denial serves to protect the person from facing uncomfortable feelings. This can last either a short time, minutes or hours, or can go on form months, years, or even decades.

It’s a defence mechanism that is used and necessary, but it can easily cripple a person, and hold them back from growth and movement. It can distort reality, making an image that is more acceptable at the expense of truth. Facing the truth is hard. For more people, the path to living a gay life begins with denial of gay feelings.

Denial is not pathological, but gay men often find denial as a go-to method of coping with unwanted information. It’s recognized as part of understanding gay men.

David Marr in A Life: Patrick White described Nobel Prize winner, Patrick White:

“As he grew up he had been faced with the choice of all homosexuals must make between sticking to rules-perhaps for a lifetime-or making sense of life by following the irrational, often painful truths revealed within themselves. Curiosity, scepticism and doubt are second nature to those who choose the second path.”

While a gay man may try to ‘stick to the rules’, or follow the irrational, often painful truths, using denial is a way of avoiding the truth of what may happen if you face the gay feelings head-on.

Men who identify as gay have moved past their denial and see the truth, that they are attracted to men. Guys who want to find trust fulfillment have to go beyond just acceptance.

Acceptance is not the opposite of denial. It is tolerating, admitting, and recognizing. It doesn’t always bring about changes in life, it’s just the next phase of moving towards fulfillment.

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Guys who are Givers and Guys who are Takers; What are you?

Author: November 21, 2015 0 Comments

Are you a giver or a taker?

Are you a giver or taker?

The world is made up of both givers and takers. Givers are people who like to do things for other people and go out of their way to help those in need. Takers, on the other hand, are people who like to have someone to accommodate their desires and give them what they want. Some people only give, some only take, but the majority of people fall somewhere in between these extremes, where it’s comfortable to both give and take.

Most gay men find themselves in the middle of being givers and takers. Knowing if you are more of a giver or a taker is important to helping understand your relationships with others. Givers tend to be more passive, accommodating, and unassertive. Givers like to give to their partner, and feels less comfortable when receiving from others. Even receiving praise is difficult, but giving it comes easily and naturally.

“Givers are people whose primary motivation is to take care of others, to make sure others are well, and to contribute to others and society,” said Emma Seppala in a November 2013 article published in Psychology Today. “In a relationship, these are people who are always thinking about gifts for their partner, who take their partners’ interests into consideration, and who are always thinking ‘What else can I do for you?’ They’re pretty awesome.”

Takers tend to be more assertive, aggressive, and even demanding. They have a sense of entitlement, expect to be pampered, and want all their needs looked after.

“Takers are just that—takers. They usually treat people well only if and when those people can help them reach their goals,” explained Emma Seppala. “They know how to work the crowd and seduce, but under the surface, they are primarily motivated by self-interest. You can recognize a taker by how poorly they treat people they believe are of no use to them. You know you’re in a relationship with a taker when you feel sucked dry for all you have—money, affection, time, etc. Once the taker has everything they want, you may be relegated to the unimportant sphere of their life.”

Givers are often attracted to takers who enjoy having their needs accommodated. In the long run these kind of relationships often fail because the giver wants something in return from his partner. Very often the taker will find another giver, and the giver will find another taker.

It is not uncommon for a guy who is a more extreme giver to become more balanced in his giving. Takers find it harder to change, often finding guys who want to look after their needs. Extreme givers are more likely to go to counselling because their life is not working well for them.

Guys in the middle tend to fall on one side or the other of the giver-taker continuum. These guys have a tendency to be either giver or taker, but in a more balanced approach.

So is there are relationship between giver-taker and top-bottom? You could assume that the giver will be more likely to give his body to be taken, meaning that he is more likely a bottom. The taker would more likely take what he wants from his partner. The giver isn’t always a bottom, but he would tend to be in most cases.

It is important to understand if you are a giver or taker in your friendships and relationships. It could affect your choice of friends or partners and to ensure your emotional needs are being met based on the relationships in your life.

– See more at: http://www.thehomoculture.com/author/billcoleman/#sthash.izn6gr3H.gWdkW4Vv.dpuf

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Gay Guys have to find their Own Way in the World; Straight guys are given a Life Plan

Author: October 26, 2015 0 Comments

The complexities of the life path for gay men

The complexities of the life path for gay men

Heterosexual people’s lives are pretty straight forward. Go to school, get a job, find a girl friend, get married, have kids, retire, and enjoy having grandchildren. It’s been this way for generations. It’s engrained as the ideal North American lifestyle path that every man shall follow for a successful, happy life. At least that’s what we are told and meant to believe. But wait, what if you’re gay? That doesn’t work at all.

Gay men don’t follow the same path at their heterosexual counterparts. Essentially, there is not template for gay men to follow. While you think it might be obviously for a gay man to come out, find a partner, settle down, and live a great life with dual-incomes, it doesn’t exactly work that way.

Some gay men never come out of the closet, fearing retribution or rejection by friends and family. Some guys aren’t interested in finding a life-long partner or want to settle down in a relationship. Other gay men have no interest in investing in real estate or creating an estate to pass on. Without a model to follow (or to rebel against), for gay men, finding their way through life can be incredibly difficult and pose challenges along the way. On the flip side, gay men often have stronger character, are independent thinkers, and are creative problem solvers.

Young gay men often feel alone, scared, and lost because they aren’t able to follow the same path as heterosexual men. They face separate challenges of coming out, dating, bullying, and relationships. Their struggles are tougher. Young gay men who finally figure out they are gay, and accept the heteronormative idea of what a traditional man’s life is like, often has a harder time coping and adapting.

For men who realize they are gay when they are at an older stage of life have completely different challenges to face. A young gay man merrily goes along, creating his own template and expectations of life, throwing away the ideals of a heterosexuals life path into the trash. Whereas men who are further along in life feel confused about how to proceed on who he is, how it will impact his life, and what changes need to be made. Many men at this stage discard their old identify and create a new one. It’s a huge challenge. Going from having a planned out life to creating a new path in an incredible change, and it’s not easy.

Gay men have to find their own way through life, developing valuable skills and taking pride in their accomplishments along the way. But the awareness of this lifelong challenge is daunting. When gay men become aware of their altered path, they often feel alone on their life path and that they want to give up. Suicide, drugs, and alcohol are common coping mechanisms used to overcome the overwhelming feelings of stress and confusion.

The great news is that many gay men do find their way and create their own life path. Their paths are usually much more vibrant and very unique to their own personal needs, compared to their heterosexual counterparts, because their plans take into account the challenges they face along their journey. It may seem scary, but in fact, it’s beautiful and full of wonderful experiences many heterosexual men don’t get to understand.

– See more at: http://www.thehomoculture.com/author/billcoleman/#sthash.izn6gr3H.gWdkW4Vv.dpuf

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Boyfriends or Buddies? Knowing the difference.

Author: October 12, 2015 0 Comments

How do you know if you are in a boyfriend or buddy relationship?

How do you know if you are in a boyfriend or buddy relationship?

There is probably no other topic that has been written about so much over the last few thousand years as love has. Still, songs, TV shows, movies, and books all relate back to love and relationships. Yet love and relationships are still very confusing. What is love anyway?

It’s a difficult and personal question with many different kinds of complex layers. Can you really love chocolate ice cream? Maybe this is not love, but just a way of expressing great enjoyment of the delicious frozen dessert. You may love your family, but likely the feelings are different than loving your boyfriend.

Love and relationships are very confusing. How do you know if you are in a boyfriend or buddy relationship? For some guys, their buddy is their boyfriend. There is a difference in the feelings between two guys who are buddies compared to the relationship between two guys who are in love. Gay guys know that having sex doesn’t mean you’re automatically boyfriends. Buddies can have sex together but still just be buddies, just as equally as two boyfriends could also be buddies. It is important to understand these differences of being buddies and loving boyfriends when it comes to relationships.

Guys who spend years in a loving relationship at some point become best friends. They are no longer boyfriends, but they spend a great deal of time together, talking about very personal issues, sharing intimate thoughts and feelings. But they are just buddies now. Something has changed. It’s not that their caring for each other and how important they are for one another. Heteronormative society does not recognize these types of caring relationships.

What is the difference between buddies and boyfriends? Both buddies and loving boyfriends care about each other, are supportive, and will do almost anything for them. There would be a tremendous loss if the relationship ended, with pain and suffering.

But guys who are in love have something special, that is different from buddies. They give themselves to their boyfriend. There is vulnerability and not being in control. They respect and trust each other, and value that special gift. Vulnerability and trust means that they are equal, without one or the other in more control, and that they are living with constant risk of loss, as well as the joy of being accepted, valued, and respected each and every day.

Being vulnerable is scary and freeing. Feeling important enough to your boyfriend, and to be trusted with him opening up in your hands is a natural kind of endorphin or high that comes with love.

It’s not uncommon for one guy to be looking for a buddy and his boyfriend is looking for a relationship where they are both vulnerable. This ends up being a frustrating situation for both guys, especially the one who is looking for more than just being buddies.

Some guys cannot live with being in a vulnerable, loving relationship. These kinds of guys do better with finding a buddy who they can share their lives with. Many guys will try, but when they get scared of getting hurt or are rejected, they react badly and make it difficult to have that loving relationship with.

There is no one right way to structure a boyfriend relationship. Buddies work. Being in a relationship works. Or a combination of buddies and being in a loving relationship with a few guys. They are all possibilities. They key is that relationships must work for everyone involved and be supportive of growth. Guys need to know that if they can accept being themselves and freely trust each other, then they will have a long, strong, enjoyable relationship together

– See more at: http://www.thehomoculture.com/author/billcoleman/#sthash.izn6gr3H.gWdkW4Vv.dpuf

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Gay Men and Mental Health; Being Gay is Not always Easy

Author: October 6, 2015 0 Comments

Gay men experience more mental health issues compared to heterosexuals

Gay men experience more mental health issues compared to heterosexuals

Depression impacts almost everyone at one time or another. Traumatic experiences throughout childhood involving bereavement, neglect, or abuse can increase the chances of depression. According to the Archives of General Psychiatry1, the lifetime prevalence rates of major depressive disorders among gay men, bisexuals and lesbians is 71.4% compared to 38.2% for heterosexuals.

Gay men experience more mental health issues compared to heterosexual people because of the complexities in the development of their personality, plus learning how to cope with stressful environments.

It’s normal to visit the doctor to seek medication to deal with depression. Often there is little or no in-depth look at the causes, a referral to a counsellor, or other tools used to deal with depression. With little focus, it can take years to resolve it self, all the while also having to deal with the negative side effects of taking medication to treat the depression symptoms. It’s not unusual for this to have an adverse effect on self-esteem and identity, or the additional need of psychotropic medication to copy with the world. These antidepressants make it difficult to get an erection, to stay hard, and to ejaculate. The sexual frustration leads to more isolation, and further depression.

Doctors and medical experts see depression as a reaction to anxiety. While anxiety is usually not initially recognized, the results include social withdrawal and subsequent depression. A study in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry2 found gay and bisexual men have twice the rate of anxiety disorders as heterosexuals.

People who live full, active, social lives are rarely depressed. Social interactions with friends must be enjoyable, not just tolerated. Both anxiety and depression are major factors which impact happiness.

What to do about anxiety and depression

Recognizing the signs of anxiety and depression in its early stages is key. Anxiety and depression is much harder to resolve once a person becomes immobilized by their feelings. Seek help when you start to feel signs of either anxiety or depression. A counsellor who is familiar with gay men’s issues and gay culture can create a better outcome. If counselling doesn’t help, prescription medication could be used for treatment. As with all medications, it is best to take medication for as short of period of time as possible.

1 Bolton, Shay-Lee and Sareen, Jitender. (2001) Sexual Orientation and its relation to mental disorders and suicide attempts: Findings from a nationally representative sample. Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, 56(1), 35-43. 

2 Prevalence of mental disorders, psychological distress, and mental health services use among lesbian, gay, and bisexual adults in the United States. Cochran, Susan D.; Sullivan, J. Greer; Mays, Vickie M. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, Vol 71(1), Feb 2003, 53-61

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Development of Gay Identity; Growing up Gay

Author: August 17, 2015 0 Comments

The challenges gay men face, from young boys to gay men

The challenges gay men face, from young boys to gay men, and how it impacts their life

Everyone has different childhood experiences and upbringings. It’s what makes each person unique and different, and helps to sculpt their morals, ethics, beliefs, personalities, and more. However, many gay men often learn that their childhood has commonalities with other gay men. Understanding the challenges gay men face, from young boys through to gay men, can impact the rest of their lives.

It’s around the age of 5-10 years old that boys discover they are not like other boys. They do not understand how they are different, but they do know things are not the same. The reaction to this awareness is to try to fit it with the other boys, trying hard not to be the centre of attention. They will try hard to let people look at them too closely and discover their differences.

The emotional reaction includes fear, isolation, and confusion. Self-esteem starts to take its first big hit. They begin to self-monitor, checking if their behaviour is similar to other boys. This hyper self-monitoring leads to a loss of being able to feel comfortable and spontaneous. It’s a dangerous path, where the child spends more time focusing on what others expect them to act like rather than exploring who they really are.

When a boy realises that he is different, and that he prefers boys over girls, it can be extremely traumatic. Fears and questions begin to arise. Boys will ask themselves if other boys will find out, will they be bullied, how will his family react, will these feelings go away, and what will happen to him as he gets older.

This realization will also cause strong emotional reactions. These emotions and doubts often last into his adult life. Fitting in becomes the name of the game, requiring him to hide who he is and how he feels. Everything from appearance to gestures become very sensitive. This is when the boy will not be himself anymore. They doubt that their family and friends would accept them for who he really is, and he can become overwhelmed with feelings of isolation and loneliness. It’s about this same time that he will teach himself not to trust loving and caring relationships.

As the boy becomes a teenager, he will begin to have crushes on other guys but he is trapped because he cannot do anything about his feelings, other than to hide them. It’s extremely frustrating and lonely. There isn’t the opportunity to fall in love, go out on a date, or experience a relationship, unless it’s with a girl and under false pretences, which adds even more confusion. There are many hurt feelings seeing friends fall in love and not being able to have those same experiences. It’s a sensitive time when he will wonder if he will ever find love and acceptance.

Growing up in this environment isn’t fun; however, in spite of all these problems with self-esteem and lack of a strong sense of self-knowledge, gay youth train themselves to be alone and how to conform with the rest of the world, pleases others.

It’s not until he is in his 20’s or even 30’s that the gay man is able to explore dating and falling in love. This comes with consequence because he never experienced these feelings growing up, so it’s all new and often overwhelming. Relationships are overwhelmed with emotions. This is normal for teenangers, but because he never experienced that, he’s now battling these feelings much later in life, making him feel like a silly teenager all over again.

Gay men do survive their very difficult and trying childhoods. It’s now easy to see why early life experiences can lead to problems later in adult life. Anxiety and depression are common amongst gay men. Anxiety is an extension of the hyper monitoring, with large amounts of self-criticism. Relationships will almost always be difficult because of the lack of practice and not allowing others to get too close to him. Sexual experiences are also hampered because he wasn’t able to experiment with his sexuality and desires when he was at his sexual peak, making sex a quicker and easier way to connect with guys, rather than the long process of dating and building an emotional relationship.

– See more at: http://www.thehomoculture.com/author/billcoleman/#sthash.izn6gr3H.fdaDSKhW.dpuf

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2015 International Aids Society Conference

Author: August 10, 2015 0 Comments

Highlights from the 2015 International AIDS Society conference

Highlights from the 2015 International AIDS Society conference

Photo credit: Vancouver Sun

Held every two years, the International AIDS Society conference is a gathering of doctors, researchers, and experts who comes together to discuss and report on the latest developments. This 2015 conference was held in Vancouver, British Columbia, and hosted over 6,500 attendees. While there were numerous presentations and findings presented over the three day event, these are the top highlights:

  • Guys who get tested frequently love the idea of getting their results right away. While quick tests can take anywhere from 10-30 minutes, which often results in a waiting period filled with anxiety and fear, there is a new one-minute HIV test. This test is the best at detecting HIV in early stages of infection. Interesting fact, this test was developed and manufactured in Vancouver, BC!
  • Viiv, an HIV drug manufacturer (a partnership between Pfizer and GlaxoSmithKline), reported they are interested in the idea of providing free counselling to people taking their medication. Having HIV can be extremely stressful and finding emotional support can be difficult. The idea would be welcomed by the HIV positive community as another resource available, especially during the early stages of learning they are HIV positive.
  • Truvada as PrEP is available to in Washington and New York states free of charge. The decision was made to offer the drug for free because it was less expensive to prevent HIV than to treat someone who is HIV positive for his entire life. While the medication is free, the patient still needs to pay for his own lab work, which ranges from $100-300 per month. Canada still lags behind the use of Truvada as PrEP, frustrating many doctors and gay men.
  • Known as the Berlin Patient, Tim Brown was both HIV positive and was diagnosed with cancer. Tim underwent cancer treatment after his doctor found a donor who was immune to HIV. The procedure resulted in Tim being cured of both cancer and HIV. He is the first person in the world known to be cured of HIV.
  • Pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) is a controversial subject for some segments of the gay community. There is a false belief that guys who take PrEP will have more sex and unprotected sex, and therefore result in having more STI’s. The studies to date to not support these myths and rumors. However, a small segment of the HIV positive community is having trouble with negative guys taking antiretroviral drugs because they feel it is unfair that they can have sex, without the guilt and worry of contracting HIV. This has lead to some judgement about guys not being responsible. Right or wrong, the fact is, PrEP is safer sex and not a single person who takes Truvada as PrEP on a daily basis has seroconverted.
  • Treatment as prevention (TasP), is when a person’s viral load has been reduced to such a minimal level that is not detectable, and therefore they cannot transmit HIV. In 2013, there was still some researchers that doubted the studies; however, it has now been proven as an effective method to reducing the spread of HIV because people who are HIV positive undetectable cannot infect others when their viral load count is undetectable.
  • The conference did not dive deep into HIV immunity research; however, 15-20% of Europeans are immune or partially immune to HIV. There is a lab in Toronto that can conduct tests to check your immunity levels.

HIV is a very complicated subject and it is through these types of conferences that information sharing is so important. From how to treat people living with HIV, to treatment as prevention, to keeping people HIV negative, there is much the medical community is still learning and researching. Since the AIDS epidemic of the 1980’s we have come a long way. While there is still much work to be done, there is a sense of optimism that there could be a cure in the near future! We already have prevention!

– See more at: http://www.thehomoculture.com/author/billcoleman/#sthash.izn6gr3H.fdaDSKhW.dpuf

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Gay Relationships, What works?

Author: July 21, 2015 0 Comments

Communication is the key to a relationship

Communication is the key to a relationshipThere is no doubt, relationships take a lot of work. Having a partner you like and care about, it shouldn’t be a lot work to pay attention to what he has to say. When it is work to be around your partner, then there is a problem. It’s time to talk openly about your feelings and listen to what each other have to say.

The part of communication that is often missed is learning how to listen. Listening to what your partner has to say and understanding their feelings is really important. People think that they are listening, but most people are really not good at it. People hear what they want to hear, or what they expect to hear. Listening takes skills and much more attention than talking.

When your partner is talking, you need to act like they are the most important person in the world, and that everything they have to say is important. When you both feel heard and understood, it brings couples closer together.

When listening, you need to clear your own thoughts and focus on what your partner is telling you. Don’t think about what you are going to say next. Think about the message behind the words. To make sure you are understanding what your partner is telling you, paraphrase back to them what you believe they are saying.

It’s also important to respond to what you are hearing by relating back and giving your own feedback. It is acceptable to respond with:

  • This sounds important to you.
  • It bugs you when I…
  • You would like to do…

The attempt to show you understand what is being told to you will result in further explanation; so you can both clearly know what the situation is, and how to come to a resolution.

If what your partner is telling you is not important to you, then it could be a signal that your relationship is in trouble.

Another part of communication is delivering the full message. If you suggest to your partner to go away for the weekend, it’s better to give them all your thoughts and feeling around the trip, the purpose, why it’s important to you, and what you hope to get out of it as a result. When you explain the whole message, your partner can have a better understanding of your expectations and why you are suggesting the trip.

It’s not uncommon for people to get right to the point and to leave out how they have reached their own conclusion. The thought process is important to share with your partner. You should assume that your partner likes you, wants to understand you as much as possible, and that they want a deeper understanding of your main message.

Communication is simple. Remember to not interrupt when the other person is speaking, and stop what you are doing so you can pay full attention.

Growing and developing a relationship shouldn’t be difficult. Always be honest. Don’t lie or protect them from information you feel that your partner may not want to know. When couples keep secrets from each other, it adds a barrier and a separation. Dealing with difficult subjects should be a priority; not ignoring them, hoping they will go away.

– See more at: http://www.thehomoculture.com/author/billcoleman/#sthash.izn6gr3H.fdaDSKhW.dpuf

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Using Crystal Meth; make sure it is a positive experience

Author: June 29, 2015 0 Comments

The dangers of crystal meth in the gay community

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Crystal meth is one of the most widely used drugs in the gay community. It is very seductive, cheap, and sexual. The drug creates a fun and uninhibited feeling and the cost is significantly cheaper than buying drinks in a bar. These are all factors of why the narcotic has become popular in use by the gay community.

However, there are many downsides of using crystal meth. Using crystal meth can:

  • take multiple days for the body to fully recover,
  • cause memory loss, heart conditions, or psychotic behaviour,
  • make it difficult to maintain an erection,
  • make it hard to reach orgasm,
  • lead to uninhibited and risky sexual situations,
  • create a false sense of happiness, and
  • become an addiction after the first use.

While crystal meth may be seen as some as a wonder drug, giving users the chance to feel like they are having a wonderful sexual experience, it can easily make people lose themselves by chasing the high to have the sex they think they are looking for. The drug psychologically seduces the user.

People who use crystal meth on a regular basis report that is has effected their job performance, social connections, financial position, and sex lives. The hunt for crystal meth fuelled sex marathons becomes the routine goal.

The difficulty in the situation is not knowing when the addiction has set it, to the point when crystal meth takes over your life. Guys can lose themselves easily and quickly. When firm boundaries are not set users are more susceptible to get lost and start heading down the slippery slope. It’s accepted that someone might go to work a bit hung over from the previous nights escapades, but crystal meth users aren’t able to do that.

Thankfully there are treatment programs for people who need help. Finding a program that is designed for gay men is important, to be able to share and support each other along the path to recovery

– See more at: http://www.thehomoculture.com/author/billcoleman/#sthash.izn6gr3H.fdaDSKhW.dpuf

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Gay Nerds, A large part of the Gay Community

Author: June 21, 2015 0 Comments

Gay geeks and nerds don’t get the proper recognition they deserve

IMG_4499Geeks and nerds are more common in the gay community than you think. Some people would never want to be in a room full of this crowd, some people happily blend in, and others are attracted like magnets. But the fact is, gay geeks and nerds are a cool part of the LGBT community.

Scruff, a gay slang dictionary, defines a gay nerd as: A gay man with deep and enthusiastic knowledge of one or more hobbies, sports, activities, professional fields, or intellectual pursuits.

The Urban Dictionary defines a gay nerd as: Though he wears glasses, neckties, and is always reading a book, Jack does have a sculpted face and chiseled abs. He’s the ultimate cute gay nerd.

The Random Geekings defines a gay geek as: One who is perceived to be overly obsessed with one or more things including those of intellectuality, electronics, etc.

Who really makes up the gay community? The first types that come to mind are the muscle gays, the circuit sisters, the club kids, and the gaybours. But these types are just a small part of the gay community, and the ones who are most visible. The largest part of the community aren’t usually seen. However, it’s those who aren’t seen in the community, at the bars, and in the clubs, that you might find on the next sex-dating app.

Gay geeks and nerds don’t get the proper recognition they deserve. While some guys may not identify with being a geek or nerd, in social situations they will find themselves talking about their ideas, politics, or areas of keen interest. Very serious and in-depth discussions.

The community would look much different if it was accurately represented in the media, specifically the gay media. Most gay men are shy, socially awkward, and uncomfortable. However, many are overachievers too. Gay geeks and nerds enjoy discussions ideas more than the latest fashion trends. Most of them are not flamboyant or social butterflies, but they have a place in the community right alongside the muscle gays and party boys.

Most clubs and venues have fetish and theme nights. Perhaps it’s time to have a Geek and Nerd night, where its comfortable to talk about ideas and have the opportunity for hot sexual encounters. No, not a library or an Internet café. A real place where geeks and nerds can cruise and be cruised, enticed out to explore meeting others like themselves.

Gay Geeks and Nerds unite. Take back the community!

– See more at: http://www.thehomoculture.com/author/billcoleman/#sthash.izn6gr3H.fdaDSKhW.dpuf

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